This is all you’ve got, kiddo.

Have you ever had one of those moments where it’s like you finally see something that has been right in front of you for so long?
It’s like having a pin pricked into your skin and not realising for a few minutes….yeah it’s weird!

Well I experienced that today on a run.

Despite the fact that it was already quite unusual that I was participating in physical exercise, my slight (and not particularly inspiring) epiphany wasn’t even to do with something that had been on my mind. It was a completely random incident that basically knocked my socks off.

I guess it just hit me that this moment is the only time I’ll actually get to experience this exact moment. It takes a little while to sink in.

I almost pictured myself in an old school movie, where the mum has a flashback to days where she was young and gorgeous (not that I’m calling myself particularly gorgeous). I imagine it to be something like one of those moments, except that was what I would flash back to.

One day, in the distant future, when I have a family (hopefully) and a life that I’m proud of (again hopefully) I might look back and remember that time I was running through my incredibly stunning neighbourhood and suddenly remembered how blessed I was to live in such a place. That I actually stopped running and just looked at the way the trees stood up so tall and mighty. How the air felt against my skin and the sounds of the murmuring earth around me. It’s that simple..but I was blown away.

It’s frightening too…what if I look back and regret this year..or the past few years?

Okay so I said that this wasn’t particularly inspiring, perhaps that’s not the correct way to explain this. Although it may not be literary or philosophical genius, I do think it’s valuable and noteworthy.

Life goes on, no matter how appreciative you are of it, or whether you act as if it’s infinite. Life moves forward. Days don’t extend if you feel like you haven’t achieved something. Life just says “Better luck next time….this is all you’ve got, kiddo.”

 

Wow…..

 

Alice

Money money money money money!

Ah…I’m not even old enough to legally drive a car by myself and I’m already stressing about how in the world I’m going to afford one!
Of course, everyone always says that in order for you to succeed in life you should take little steps at a time and not worry about the future…but it’s really hard to when you begin to realise that owning a car isn’t the only expense you’ll be dealing with. House, job, food, rent, family, travel, healthcare, the list goes on!
For some reason though, it’s when your forced to give up something that you really love that money becomes your biggest enemy.

Learning to deal with disappointment is difficult. No matter who you are or how rich you are…it sucks! Literally having to take a step back and tell yourself that it’s “too much” isn’t an easy step to make.

Near the end of last year, my mum and I had become pretty set on going to Kenya on a missions trip. It’s something we’d both wanted to do for a very long time, and it seemed entirely achievable. The funds were glanced over and we already started to plan how we would get time off school for me, and how dad would go on his own for a couple of weeks. It was only after a month or so that my mum first started realising how hard it was going to be on the family to have to pay such an exorbitant amount of money that we just couldn’t risk putting toward the trip. When I was confronted about this, I not only felt betrayed and angry, but I felt like I was letting down a whole heap of people who were on board with my trip. My school had offered their support and my group of friend were more than willing to help me fundraise and spread awareness. I’d worked myself into this state of mind where nothing would stop me going to Kenya, nothing. And then reality came pelting down on our heads as subtle as a sledgehammer.

We just can’t afford it.

Not because it wasn’t a worthwhile trip, but that the money earned by my father needed to go toward bills and mortgage and cars and food and family and this and that and the other…. It was really heartbreaking.

The first few weeks I admit I was in denial. I drew up plans about how I was going to make the money for the deposit in a small number of months. I was sure I’d have a part time job before Christmas, and I was confident that I could maintain a budget that would get me over the red line.

Sadly, life doesn’t always work like that. The hours I spent searching for work, both online and in person, didn’t pay off. My family had to cut down majorly on spending so that we could reach our bill payments, and we had to live life pretty carefully so that we could sustain ourselves comfortably, as well as ensuring my parents had a future.

The hardest part was seeing my friends with jobs, earning money and saving money and spending money. I knew that if  I had the chance I would be saving every penny I earned and putting it toward this trip that I so desperately felt myself being called to. However it gave me quite a wake up call.

We are taught that when life gets us down, we are to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and find a way to press forward. Sure…I might not be able to go to Kenya this year, and it might be difficult for the next few months with the awkward “actually…i’m not going anymore” speeches, but that hasn’t stopped my determination. There’s no rule that says if I can’t afford it now I won’t afford it in a year, or two years. There’s nothing that stops me from actively working in my immediate community and supporting other friends who are going on missions of their own.

For anyone out there who has had to give something up because of the issue of money, I encourage you not to loose heart. The more you strive for your dreams, the better it will feel when you catch them!

Alice

 

A diary entry

A while ago, on the plane to Fiji, I wrote a diary entry that I think deserves to be made public.

4/11/12

We are currently on the plane to Fiji, reality is setting in and our excitement has begun to rise. As the plane lifted off, I made a silent prayer to leave all stress, anxiety and worry behind, so as to truly gain the best possible experience whilst away. My anticipation for the next 12 days is high, and i’m really challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone and see what impact I can make on those around me. The flight doesn’t have movie entertainment, so it has given me the perfect chance to settle into my book ‘Hope’ by Tim Costello, rest my eyes and ponder the true reasons for my journey. Truthfully speaking I’m still unsure what to expect and i wonder whether I’ve set my expectations too high. Many times I think that maybe my place in the world doesn’t involve what I think it does, but then I remember just how much of a change small things can have. Faith, and Hope. The Tim Costello book i’ve been reading has been incredibly thought provoking and most importantly very encouraging. Tim has found his way into a position where he witnesses miracles, compassion and hope constantly. His stories provide real evidence that the world is willing and able to accept change, and that beneath our tough exteriors, stubborn traditions and seemingly immovable ego’s, we are all humans who have the ability to relate and empathise with one another. We all have basic needs, and in times when we find ourselves in strife, we turn to each other in search of comfort and acceptance. 

One of the chapters in Tim’s book outlined perfectly an issue I’ve constantly grappled with. He states that wealth cannot always be the cure for the poverty “problem” and that poverty isn’t always a lack of wealth. When we scratch beneath the surface, we discover that communities with considerably less than we do are far more rich in things such as togetherness, happiness, community and compassion. Where our western world was once so adept in communicating and socialising on the public forum, it has rapidly been replaced with means of social media and general solitary lifestyles. Conversely, communities unaffected by economic growth and technological advancement appear to have still clung to their traditions and values passed down from generations. Perhaps it means that we have a lot to give materially  but we could learn a big lesson from those less fortunate people also. 

Personally, it has not only consolidated the reality of this paradox, but it’s encouraged me to pursue a life more connected, more valued and dedicated to passing down a passion for being involved. I know I want to bring my own children up in an environment where they feel appreciated and valued as individuals, but also where they can reciprocate this to their immediate community and beyond. Through true, honest, traditional means.

Most of all, i know I’ll have a lot to learn from those around me, and I look forward to seeing how this culture shift an impact my mindset and opinions. 

 

I’ve returned to this post on many occasions, re-living what I was feeling at that time. Truth be told, the trip was nothing like what I’d expected it to be, but I suppose that’s the way it goes.

In a way, I’ve set a challenge for myself by writing those things, to keep a check on how I live my life and my daily routines. In years I might return to that exact diary and who knows what I’ll think then.

However, all that being said, I encourage you to take those words, read that chapter in Tim’s book or reflect on the way that you live right now. It’s never too late to reassess what your life is doing. Take inspiration from those around you and mould it into who you want to be.

Most of all….