Let’s take a moment to reflect here, shall we?
Think about whether you’ve ever known anyone who has had the tendency to blow things out of proportion. ‘Making a mountain out of a molehill’ is often the coined term, but although it sounds drastic, it’s often quite on the money.
Has anyone in your life ever reacted to something you’ve said or done in a way that made you think “jeepers..that was an overreaction.”? Perhaps you asked them a favour, like lifting a heavy box out of your car or helping you to clean your room, and all of a sudden it’s as if you’ve asked them to cut out a kidney right there and then whilst dancing the macarena and singing in elvish.
Well….that was probably overdramatised…but you get my point right?
The truth is, often we can see when people do this to us and be totally oblivious as to when we do it to others.
A biblical saying that refers quite specifically to this issue is:
You must first remove the plank from your own eye before you can question the splinter in your brothers eye.
Yeah…confusing! It took me a very long time to understand what this passage was trying to convey.
Basically, it says that we have no authority to question peoples faults or indiscretions until we first acknowledge that we are guilty of the exact same thing!
A mother cannot tell their daughter that it’s wrong to cheat on her husband whilst she’s off on a fling with the mailman behind all their backs.
Often, when people around us do something wrong, it’s a quick and easy way to disguise the fact that we’re doing something equally bad.
“Oh but she is so much worse than me. I would never do that. I don’t know how she lives with herself!”
There’s an example. These thoughts can run through our heads and give us a sense of false authority over a situation.
The truth is, the longer we ignore our own issues, the bigger they grow, and the more people seem to notice them. In particular, overreactions.
Personally, I’m not a very patient person. I can be patient when it comes to people (depending on who they are) but when it comes to tasks, I’d like them to be done quickly and in the easiest way possible. I actually started painting something today and it’s already been a test of my patience just waiting for the background to dry.
Now, when I’m irritated or in an impatient mood, I have noticed that I can snap or be overly moody toward some people. The general recipients are my parents, seeing as they’re always around me and I have this reassuring feeling in the back of my mind that they won’t hate me for long.
That is in NO way the correct attitude to have.
I would hate to one day have my own family and realise that I’ve been overly reactive with them and they experience the same feelings of sadness, worthlessness and anxiety that I feel when people come at me with anger that’s not expected.
So here are a few tips to help you deal with those kinds of people AND make sure you don’t turn into one of them yourself!
Dealing with it
- Learn the warning signs – Typically, if you know someone well enough that their overreactions will hurt you emotionally, you should also know how to look for signs of irritation that may lead to such an explosion. Are they busy? Have they had a bad day? Are they fidgeting? Even little things can contribute to a full on meltdown. When they’re in this vulnerable state, it’s best to either steer clear or make an effort to brighten their day, depending on whether they would take that well or not!
- When it happens, don’t freak out – It’ll happen, trust me, a million times in your life. But when it does, it is VITAL not to let it ruin your whole relationship with that person. Think about these particular things: Is it really my fault? Are they important enough to me that I can forgive them quickly? Is there something I can do to distract myself from this and maybe talk to them about it later?
- After it happens, don’t hold it to them – Truth is, if they’re any kind of decent person, they will probably feel bad about it. Now this doesn’t mean that they will openly apologise for it, some people are just too proud to do that and there’s no way we can change that, but if they sense that we are holding a grudge against them for something they really feel bad about, tensions WILL rise (trust me!). Let them know that you’re okay with them, even just having a happy conversation about anything other than the issue at hand can help this pass. If you really have to confront it, make sure you do so in an even-headed mood and with the correct approach. Don’t attack them because they will most likely retaliate.
- Don’t take it to heart – Unless you literally provoked it in a really unreasonable way, it’s not your fault! Don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s always two sides to the story, no matter which way you look at it, and the truth is that you both probably have something to improve on in order to avoid future situations like that one. You can do it though…I believe in you!
Don’t let it happen to you!
- Learn your own warning signs! – As important as it is for other people to know them, you should understand yourself too. If you find yourself particularly edgy in certain situations, remove yourself from them. However, don’t continually do this, learn ways to cope with that frustration in those places (e.g. deep breathing) so that you can eventually conquer those habits!
- Surround yourself with positive people – I haven’t really looked into it, but I am fairly sure that there would be bundles of evidence out there that shows positivity is infectious. Sure, so is negativity, but just like light can always scare away darkness, a good attitude has the trump card over pessimism. I’m sure a good, positive friend will always encourage your “brightness” rather than feeding that little demon inside your brain begging you to lash out. And trust me, everyone has those demons…everyone! The trick is learning how to subdue him
- Have go-to responses – maybe there’s someone in your life that really irritates you. I have them…trust me I do! If every little thing they do irritates you, maybe you need to come up with some run of the mill sayings that can help you escape the imminent anger, such as: ‘I’m a bit busy, would you mind coming back later’, ‘I really can’t stay long’, ‘I’ve got a few things to get done, but I’d be happy to help after I’ve dealt with them!’ – These are passive and friendly, accompanied with a smile should get you out of anything. Even if it just buys you the time to take some deep breaths and get your head straight in order to go and be around that person that irritates you, it’s better than lashing out any day
I hope this post hasn’t come across too preachy…I try and steer clear of those things but I wanted to post this, mainly because it’s something I’m working on in my own life
Remember that you are the key to your own attitude, no-one else has the power over that!
Always,
Alice
Everything is Dandy 